Truth is
by Oceanewave
Summary: She's sitting alone in a corner when Cana appears and claims the seat in front of her. She has a bottle of wine in her hand and a bag of chips in the other. "I'm going to end this lie today," Cana states. And Erza blinks, confused.


**Ask on Tumblr: Erzajane: Mira tells Erza a lie + exposed. Originally posted on Ao3 under the same username. tumblr: ft-stories-lgbt**

* * *

"_Truth is I'm dishonest_

'_Cause I'm always scared to get too deep_

_Truth is that I want this_

'_Cause I always see you in my sleep_

_Truth I that I love you,_

_Even when I'm trying not to."_

Sabrina Claudio – Truth is

"_I'm sorry Erza but I don't share your feelings."_

This is what Mirajane told her ages ago, they were teenagers and she didn't really know what love meant at the time, but she felt sharing the messy feelings in her heart was a good idea, until Mirajane's words came out of her mouth.

It hurt; of course, it had, but Erza only smiled, assuring her it was okay if she didn't feel the same, these things happen after all.

But now as she watches Mirajane talking with Cana, she can't help but feel that weight on her chest.

Because no matter how much time has passed, Erza's heart never stopped belonging to Mirajane.

* * *

She's sitting alone in a corner when Cana appears and claims the seat in front of her. She has a bottle of wine in her hand and a bag of chips in the other. Erza is a little surprised by this sudden arrival. They are guildmates and they occasionally talk to each other, but they never really sit together. And the fact that Cana is looking at her seriously and not yelling some non-sense at whoever pays attention, add a little more to her astonishment.

"I'm going to end this lie today," Cana states.

And Erza blinks, confused. She doesn't say anything for a moment, trying to recall what she could have said recently, but nothing comes to her mind.

"I'm sorry, but what lie are you talking about exactly?"

Cana sighs and crosses her arms over the table. It's only now that Erza realises that the girl looks tired, dark circles around her eyes.

"I see it, you know?" the brunette says, voice soft and somewhat sad. "How you're looking at her almost every day. For years I've been watching you having this same expression on your face."

"What—"

"You look at her like she's the sun and the moon at the same time. Or some kind of Goddess. Your gaze is always so kind and fond when it comes to her. I should have said something sooner. Done something sooner but I guess I was too selfish. I mean what is not to love about Mirajane, huh?"

Erza suddenly can't breathe as she feels her heart pounding against her rib cage. It's painful and she doesn't know what to say, but Cana doesn't seem to mind as she continues.

"I know you confessed to her years ago. She told me after two hours of crying in my arms. I remembered feeling scared that she said yes to you, that she returned your feelings but when she told me she didn't— I was so happy because it meant that I still had a chance."

Cana pauses as she turns her head towards Mirajane, Erza can't help but do the same. The silver-haired girl is chatting with Gray and Natsu, she seems amused by the two boys' antics.

"Which is stupid because if she didn't return your feelings why would she be crying that much? Why did it seem like saying no to you hurt her more than anything? I should have known...But you know when you're desperately in love with someone you're ready to take everything you can from them, right?"

Erza returns her attention to Cana as she laughs bitterly. She's still looking at Mirajane even though she doesn't stop talking and Erza doesn't dare to interrupt her.

"I knew she was using me to forget you. Deep down I knew, but I always had that hope that-that somehow, somewhere she loved me too. Gosh, I prayed so fucking much for her to love me back in the exact same way I love her."

Erza feels her eyes sting as Cana finally turns back to her, tears streaming down your cheeks.

"She calls your name at night. You're in her dreams. She looks at you every time you're not looking at her and when we make love, she always tells me how much she loves 'my red strands'. And I hated you for a long time Erza. Because all of this…hurt."

Cana brings a hand to her eyes, brushing the tears away, and takes a shaky breath.

"But it's not like it's your fault, right? I mean Mirajane is the stupid one in all of this but...I can't blame her either. I know why she is scared. And I'm not about to tell you what it is but you're both grown up now and I'm…I'm fucking tired of this mess."

Erza doesn't leave Cana from her sight as the girl gets up and gathers her belonging.

"Find that courage you had a few years back, again and go tell her you still love her. Because she loves you too. Nothing has changed. Fix this shit that she doesn't dare to fix herself."

Erza is lost and unsure. At this point, she knows there's no use to pretend she doesn't know what Cana is talking about, and there are a lot of things she needs to process at the same time. The situation is so surreal.

"And Erza?" Cana calls, Erza looks up at her one last time. "I'm sorry I didn't do anything about it sooner."

Cana gives her a little smile before she walks away, lifting her bottle up as she makes her way towards a table where Lucy and Juvia are sitting at. She's back to herself, as if nothing happened, as if she didn't just cry in front of Erza and told her all of these things. She's laughing and talking loud again.

And it's in that moment that Erza realises if Cana can build up enough courage to come and talk to her about something this sensitive, and then keep her head up as she decides to move on, then she too can do it.

* * *

Mirajane is cleaning the last glasses in the sink when she decides to go to the bar. The guildhall is now empty, as everyone decided to go home, so Erza feels a little more confident about herself. If no one has eyes on them, maybe it will be easier for her to talk.

She takes her place next to Mirajane, nudging her a little to the side so she can help the girl with her chores. Mirajane doesn't seem startled and simply gives her a soft smile as a thank you.

For a few seconds they are working in silence, and then the words slip out of her mouth before she can stop herself.

"I still love you."

It's a stupid thing to say, she knows it when Mirajane stops washing the glass in her hands, her body gone completely still. She is not looking at Erza, her face partly hidden behind her silver hair but Erza is pretty sure that she must be shocked or maybe confused by this sudden declaration. Which she perfectly understands; she didn't plan to be so blunt about this all situation. But now that she's in it, there's no way she's going to back out now.

"I-I didn't mean to tell you like this...It just- It just came out of my mouth like that. Not that I don't mean it, because of course, I do. I still love you; nothing has changed. I—"

She sighs and rinses her hands before turning towards Mirajane. The girl has her eyes on her now, a look of total surprise painted on her face.

"I know it's out of the blue and it might sound ridiculous and I get it, I—"

"Cana told you, didn't she?" Mirajane interrupts her.

She's tempted to say no, that Cana has nothing to do with it, trying to keep her out of all of this, but after a moment, she finds it stupid to try and hide it, because Mirajane knows her enough to know that she wouldn't be here if something hadn't happened before.

"I saw her talking to you earlier, so there's no point denying it," Mirajane says, proving her point.

"She told me...some things, yes."

"Like what?" Mirajane asks.

"Like the fact that you love me. You always have apparently and that I needed to fix this."

She watches as the Transform mage drops her eyes on the ground, her body suddenly shaking a little.

"Erza..."

"I don't need you to say it. You don't have to say it back, this is not why I told you this."

"Then why?"

"I-I need to know why you lied to me? When I first told you that I loved you. Why did you say that you don't share the same feelings?"

This is something Erza can't really believe yet, that Mirajane loves her, no matter how sincere Cana looked when she confided in her. It's crazy. All of this is crazy but Erza needs to know, she needs to understand.

"Because I was in a bad place," Mirajane finally lets out. "I was a teenager, always on the edge, ready to fight and punch anything. I wasn't someone you could have been happy with. And I didn't have full control over my powers which is mainly why I thought it was better for us to be apart rather than together."

"What -"

"Not many people understand or think about it, but the fact that I have demon souls in me…is not really pleasurable. When you told me that you loved me back then, I was struggling to keep their voices down in my head and controlling them. Master Makarov helped me a lot through it and I didn't want you to get involved in all of this because it meant that you could get hurt."

Erza frowns. Of all the things she thoughts Mirajane could have said, she didn't think of this possibility even once.

"And when I finally got a hold on my powers, when I finally knew where my place was in all this mess, it felt like it was too late to run back to you," she concludes.

Mirajane lifts her blue eyes towards her this time. She looks fragile and Erza suddenly wants to cradle her in her arms, hiding her from the world.

"I understand," Erza states.

Which is not a lie, Erza guesses she would have done the same if it were her. She understands that Mirajane was simply trying to protect her. It didn't revoke the hurt and the pain, but it eases her heart a little.

"But maybe...try not to lie to me anymore."

Mirajane smiles at her apologetically but she nods in agreement.

"I'll try. But… what do you want to do now?"

This is a question which she thought about all day long, and she's not sure she has the right answer even now.

"Honestly? I don't know. I still love you, that I know for sure but…I don't know. Maybe we can start by talking to each other again? I mean, like before? And we'll see where it leads us."

Mirajane seems to relax a little as she turns back towards the sink again. Erza does the same.

"Alright. Let's see where all of this lead us then."

And if their shoulders are brushing a little more than before and their words are whispered like tiny promises after that, Erza decides that she can't wait to find out what the future has for them.


End file.
